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3WW CXLV

July 8, 2009
Transparent Ground

In the gloom, a shudder
Cold as a witches kiss
Forces me to kneel on
The frozen turf

I search the ground for you
I probe in the ground
 through the ground
Under the piece of other ground
 that marks your place.

Frozen tracings of engraved
Letters, words, numbers
All and nothing
 Left of you

I stare until all is gone
A transparent view of
 what was
what is

 what never will be

---

Thanks for reading!
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23 Comments
  1. thommyg permalink
    July 8, 2009 5:10 pm

    Nicely done. I got caught up in all the references to “ground” in the second stanza, but in the end, it worked.

    • July 8, 2009 8:07 pm

      I thought about too many references to ‘ground’ or the word over and over again. However, I realized it added urgency to the piece.

      Or, at least I thought it did.

  2. July 8, 2009 5:24 pm

    An epic search. Nicely done.

  3. July 8, 2009 6:27 pm

    Sometimes things and people are never found. Vivid image of searching!

    • July 8, 2009 8:08 pm

      Doesn’t mean we should stop searching, right?

  4. July 8, 2009 8:59 pm

    Very tragic…after reading it through, I also saw that the repetitive use of ‘ground’ added to the sense of desperate urgency and yearning this person felt. Good read!

  5. July 8, 2009 10:12 pm

    Reading this made me anxious. I love feeling something when I read. very nicely done.

    • July 8, 2009 10:17 pm

      I’m glad you got something out of it. This one didn’t come at all easy.

  6. July 9, 2009 2:13 am

    Desperation expressed well – and in the end, just for a memory? I think we all long for what we no longer have.

  7. July 9, 2009 4:18 am

    Lovely…..

  8. July 9, 2009 5:11 am

    Great collection of imagery, your words sing.

  9. July 9, 2009 5:35 am

    I like the yearning and sense of loss. I’m a little ambivalent on the repetition of “ground,” but the whole beautifully evokes a feeling.

  10. lostmermaid permalink
    July 9, 2009 5:40 am

    The close was picture perfect !!

  11. July 9, 2009 11:07 am

    Yeah, nicely done!

  12. July 10, 2009 1:16 am

    nice one, Mark.

  13. July 10, 2009 2:31 pm

    I feel a gloom that won’t leave, your words are very emotional, there’s a frenzy in them

    • July 11, 2009 3:05 am

      Yup. Pretty well sums it up…if you add in a touch of desperation and resignation.

  14. July 10, 2009 11:20 pm

    I liked the repetition of “ground,” but I wasn’t sure what was different about the “other” ground. Overall, I like this.

    • July 11, 2009 3:04 am

      “Other” ground in this instance refers to a tombstone or grave marker…

      I was trying to be oblique. Guess it worked!

      This piece needs a rewrite…

  15. July 11, 2009 2:57 am

    I like deep dark pieces.

    More realistic..

    a day in a child’s life

    • July 11, 2009 3:04 am

      Sometimes, they can be a bit of a fantasy…

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